A Suburban State of Mom. Notes on music and motherhood.℠

05 · 16

On the chopping block.

Taken at Lifetime Fitness Complex

05 · 16

'Love Seat' by James Hopkins.

http://www.jameshopkinsworks.com/index.html

05 · 16

Summertime. (Morcheeba; C12Mix)

Always loved this cover. Skye's voice is sublime. And the "Red Hot" series; such a great concept with fantastic execution. Leigh Blake is a clever, committed and passionate woman who started them all. (A side note, my inability to find the official video online makes me wonder if there's a project here, and that there are unbelievably some things you can't Google)

It'd be nice to feel like something was easy right about now. And for about the third time in my life, I'm truly feeling like I want to go to the beach, which I generally eschew for the 'neater' environs of the pool. It's almost like the ocean is calling my name.

05 · 15

House. (Kindness)

This will irritate some people. Too bad for them.

I loved every second.

And am dying to run my fingers through Adam's hair.

And what products does he use?

This is why we need to keep the arts in schools, by the way!

05 · 15

Conscience Killer. (Black Rebel Motorcycle Club)

BRMC are a band I really didn't appreciate when I worked with them but as I've aged and found a need for grit and voice for my inner anger, they've really started to appeal to me.

It could also be Stockholm Syndrome as my rocker sons are crazy about them.

Especially this track which is prominently featured in the beginning of 'Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit,' which is a pretty fun driving game where you can either be the cop or the fugitive. Yes, I admit I secretly play it. Shhh.

Interestingly enough my older son likes being the police but one who drives a Bugatti Veyron. And his younger bro is an outlaw all the way with little care for the cars he's smashing and crashing in his efforts to evade capture.

05 · 14

You and I Belong. (Simone Felice; vid by Tobias Stretch)

Simone is the (nice to look at) drummer Felice brother who left the family business to do his own thing after having some sad stuff happen in his life. Which I can totally respect. Healing. Moving on. Whatever it takes. He's also a lovely writer which is in evidence from his blog. His piece about Levon Helm which references the ferry from Holyhead to Dublin (a trip I'd love to take) is wonderful: http://www.simonefelice.com/

This video, as absurd as life itself, tells such the simple tale reflected in John Lennon's quote about life happening whilst one's busy making other plans . . . or a red van driven by a tree man containing a yeti frolicking amongst the cargo of leaves rescues you from a demonic puppet master.

I've got such a creative crush on the director Tobias Stretch who infuses these surreal characters into all of his work. Wild Things, indeed. Chances. Willingness to take a different perspective which sometimes seems like less of a choice but more of moral imperative.

05 · 13

3:10 to Yuma. Psych.

05 · 13

Giddy-up!

05 · 13

Double Trouble adoring Tina.

05 · 13

So, they're not just (un) talking heads

http://www.eisp.org/

05 · 13

Mothers Day.

Taken at The Setai Fifth Avenue

05 · 11

Raise The Roof. (Tracey Thorn)

Tracey Thorn is an idol of mine. Super talented. Great mother. Great partner. Can express herself with a simple honesty, experiments and seems to have a sense of humor and style. This song with it's whimsical video and message about doing what you like and taking chances really speaks to me. I sorta like the underplayed Cinderella aspect, as well, but shh! don't tell anyone I might like a story involving a princess!

When I started this particular entry back in October of last year, it was going to be related to a meditating class I took with my moms group. And then we had this ridiculous snow storm and lost power for a week and Halloween was cancelled and I forgot about it - and how simply grabbing your thumb with your other hand can really, really calm you down. But I was reminded of it last night when out for our small town's 'Girls Night Out' with some of those same friends so decided to rework it and send it out into the world - especially in honor of Mothers Day and the 'mommy wars' certain factions seem to want to incite all around us while for the most part we're just working hard to raise our kids and grab some personal satisfaction where we can.

When I began blogging 3 years ago it was an aid in my recovery from truly debilitating post-partum depression. Now I'm in that stage of recovery when you're kind of like a newly born horse staggering around on knobbly legs but really want to get out and run.

The fact I made my journal publicly available is obviously very indicative. I wanted global understanding. A platform to deliver my story as I unraveled it. Engagement. Which I've gotten and appreciated. I certainly never planned on becoming a "mommy blogger" and despite being a mother who blogs, I don't really think I am. I am a writer, though, and pleased to state that. And glad that as I close out my 40th year I've kinda sorta mostly sorted my baggage out.

A large element I've finally kenned to is it's an easier road to travel with a group of like-minded and similarly engaged individuals and like that little pony I'm happy to say I've got a great band of horses to ride the range with. And lately the terrain has been rockier than usual. Even tho I grew up in a large noisy family, I've spent so much of my life feeling utterly alone. 'All those years I wasted sitting on my own. Think what I could have tasted if I'd only known.' And then that awful self-loathing that made me distance myself from real feeling and gravitate towards scenarios where I was bound to disappoint just as much as I was being disappointed. "An open hand. An open heart." I had neither.

So, it's nice to have found my voice and even tho it sounds more like a crackly Doris Day than Tracey Thorn, it's started doing a pretty good job of getting out what I really mean and feel. "You can do anything if you dare. Don't mean a thing unless you care . . . and you do it with love."